Anger has evolved as a defensive survival mechanism and when used appropriately it allows for a vital response. In our stressful modern world, inappropriate expressions of anger are becoming more and more frequent, however. When anger flares up uncontrollably or chronically, it indicates that our lives our out of balance and is a sign that we need to address the angry behaviour.
Read MoreSociety at large is getting more aggressive and there are many factors that contribute to the rise of angry behaviour. Children copy what they see others do. Anger is often a sign of frustration and overwhelm. It’s what happens when we are unaware of how far we’ve drifted off from our natural state of well-being.
Read MoreIntuition is like radar that picks up signals and leads you to the right place at the right time. Children come into the world naturally connected to that inner voice which speaks to us without words. Read this post to discover how to help your children stay connected to this important guide...
Read MoreWe all have an inner compass, our very own guide, always on the look-out and engaged in the process of helping us stay alive and lead a life worthy of who we are and what we have to bring to the world. Could there be a better moment than right now, as a new year lies invitingly ahead, to be reminded of that particular strength and to make a conscious effort to reconnect with your own inner voice?
Read MoreAre you troubled by your (chronic) anger or do you have a short fuse? Perhaps you feel your anger to be justified?
Either way, the angry person ultimately pays a heavy price in terms of health and relationships, and it’s never too late to tame the temper.
Do you struggle with paying attention when you need to, or get too absorbed by unwanted thoughts or activities?
I have seen in my practice that the quality of life is directly linked to the quality with which we pay attention. This guide will help you tune your focus and increase the quality of your attention.
Read MoreSuccessful stress management is easier than you think but we often need reminders when we are in the midst of it.
This guide has been created to do just that – to remind you of things you can do to calm down, get your needs met and connect to others and yourself when you're feeling stressed.
Read MoreDoes your anxiety spill over into self-doubt? Does it stop you moving forward?
You may be one of those ‘what’s the point anyway' type of people, or perhaps you’ve become good at displacement and procrastination allowing yourself to get caught up in all the daily distractions as they come flooding in without getting down to what really matters to you?
Maybe you seek constant affirmation?
We need to learn how to balance the anxiety of self-doubt by accepting the doubts and embracing the mistakes to provide a greater sense of joy in the creative process - and this is what I want to explore with you now...
Let’s accept that creativity and anxiety are constant bedfellows for most of us. We worry when we do and we worry when we don’t.
Self-doubt is like an exposed, curious and tentative child who first steps into a busy playground, without the comfort of a familiar face.
We want to fit in, belong and told that we are OK! Yet, it becomes the fate of many a creative to carry on feeling the outsider, whose words and ideas can fall on deaf ears, get dismissed or laughed at. After all, van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime.
Nature has paradoxically wired us up to connect and belong, as well as to be separate. A reasonable dose of self-doubt therefore is vital to your survival in the group - your audience - and yet, too much of it kills off your very essence.
Yes, it often feels very painful and exposed too.
Those glorious and inspired moments when an idea ‘comes to us’ require openness, a state of receptivity. Check it out yourself. Certainty on the other hand can be the death of thought.
How do we ‘lean into the unknown’, as Pema Chödrön puts it?
Perhaps these two challenges can help you move through your doubt:
1. Fully accept your doubts and acknowledge the vulnerability they bring, while getting on with things anyway.
Act normally in other words. I like to imagine what ‘acting normally’ looks like on the outside.
Remember that the worry also provides the fuel and edginess needed to move and make; it gives the poignancy and individuality that your creativity deserves.
Don’t wait then, to start making friends with your anxiety.
2. Look forward to your mistakes.
Pema Chödrön quotes James Joyce who saw mis-takes as portals of discovery, or opportunities to see things in fresh and new ways. Mistakes are part of the process in other words; they are not failures to be avoided at all costs.
Pema’s new book uses Samuel Beckett’s words in the title:
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
I would encourage you to do the same.
So, since ‘perfection is for the gods’ after all, I hope these signposts will help you emerge more consistently and unapologetically as yourself!
Enjoy the journey - and please do leave me a comment, I would love to hear if this resonated with you.
Renée van der Vloodt ( M.A. , FHGI ) is a psychotherapist and coach – and has had a private practice for over 20 years, which is now based between Woodchurch (Ashford), Kent and the Elysian Centre in Rye, East Sussex.
Renée is the author of the CD Calm the Chaos of the Creative Mind and works with children and adults as a coach and therapist to help them overcome life's challenges and emotional difficulties including stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anger or addictive behaviour.
So many of us end up feeling that we are just skimming across the surface of things and rarely rejoice in a sense of engagement with what we are doing or a sense of accomplishment. Here is what you can do to focus the distracted mind...
Read MoreIf you are anything like me, you were never taught how to deal with anger. It wasn’tacknowledged as a legitimate feeling and there was no guidance on how to express it.
In stressed and over-stretched modern lives, an outburst of anger can be the last straw or the symptom of something more...
Read MoreWhat is healthy and what is unhealthy anger? Anger needs to be better understood so that it can be acknowledged for what it is, and be managed effectively.
Read More
Every meeting with another is an opportunity for connection, and it is only through interacting that we become who we are. Learning to connect is not a luxury, but rather the only way to stay mentally well.
How can we best connect with others?
Read MoreI wonder if like me, you sometimes feel that life can speed past and slip through your fingers - gone, without you having properly connected to it while it was there?
More and more people have been telling me how disconnected they have come to feel and how much they long to feel a sense of connection - to others and their lives. In Part 1 of this guide, we look at how to connect to ourselves and life around us...
Read MoreA promising young actress friend was assessed recently, following the success of a play she was in at her prestigious drama school. All the praise aside, she was also admonished for not spending enough time alone. I was thrilled to hear this, for those are wise words indeed.
Read MoreChange can mean a lot of different things, and many changes to our lives and circumstances can be positive. However, sometimes a negative change or indeed simply the way we handle a shift in the balance of our lives can have a huge impact on our emotional health.
Read MoreToday, Thursday February 5th, is Time to Talk Day - an initiative led by Time to Change and other organisations, to encourage us to take just 5 minutes to talk about mental health. In this 5 minute interview, I discussed the state of creative people in the world today, why we need you and one small thing you can do this week to improve your own emotional health.
Read MoreCreative minds are often buried under stress symptoms such as depression or anxiety. The talents are not recognised and people are confused about the contradictions. For instance, why can someone be in the zone, utterly absorbed one moment and yet distractible, forgetful and shambolic the next? Partners or parents lose patience, and creative minds themselves struggle through life tormented by feelings of guilt.
Listen to this extract from the CD, 'Calm the Chaos of the Creative Mind' to learn more.
Read MoreHuman Givens teaches us about the central role of creativity in human existence, how to nurture it and rescue it. When creativity is well harnessed, it is one of our greatest resources!
Find out what a creative person can expect from Human Givens therapy.
Image: melanmagrippan 3 People Talking
Read MoreOld habits die hard and some of them can keep us trapped. They affect our communication and connection to others, they hamper our ability to learn and grow, and they keep our horizon narrow.
Good psychotherapy helps break those shackles; it frees up physical and emotional energy and lifts us out of this confinement. Good therapy gives us the power to steer our own passage more accurately.
Here we look at behaviour patterns that stop people from developing and learning.
Read MoreWe all stumble somewhere on life’s journey or find ourselves going round in circles, rather than moving on.
Exhaustion, worry, negative rumination, poor sleep, sadness, irritability, loneliness - these are all signs that life is out of balance. It may be that you are wondering what it’s all about or ‘why bother?’ - that you feel undervalued or out of control of important things in your life.
Do you indulge in addictive behaviours, feel bored, or are you worried that ‘this is all there is’?
If this resonates with you, then this post is for you!
Read MoreRenée van der Vloodt is a leading psychotherapist and dyslexia and AD(H)D specialist working with children and adults in Woodchurch, Kent which is close to Tenterden, Ashford, Canterbury, Rye and easily reached by the M20. There are direct trains from London to Ashford International Station.
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